Monday, November 16, 2009

In Class Proofreading Exercise, Kristen Harris

In Ambato, Ecuador I met the child Segundo Hernandez that I sponsor through World At the offices, his mother and him were waiting for me.<--This sentence is unclear. I introduced myself in broken Spanish. I'm not sure if they understood me, but no one corrected anything I said. They invited me to their home up in the hills of Ambato. We drove another forty-five minutes up into the clouds, where their village rested on the mountainside. Their home has two rooms that are accessed by different doors from the dirt courtyard. As I entered the first room the kitchen and looked around - dirt floor, small fire-pit, a few pots hanging on the walls- I became immediatly immediately uncomfortable. Seeing a room like this on t.v. is not like standing in one in real life. I was happy to leave that room and see what the other room was. The other room was the families bedroom. It has past tense?? one bed, some dressers and a few piles of clothes. They There are seven children in the family and everyone slept together on that one bed. By this time Segundo was growing had grown more comfortable around me and I got a few great pictures of him hugging me and holding my hand. We stayed for about an hour.

As we drove away and left Segundo and his mother I didn't know what to feel. I was upset at the living conditions that were normal for them, as I saw this as truly unfair. The living conditions upset me because I felt no one should have to live without all the comforts I had been accustomed to. I was glad I had met the boy that I had only seen in pictures. I was happy that I met him and that he met me because it had strengthening my resolve to try to help more people. I came back to Canada a little wiser and a little more conscientious of my thoughts and actions.

The way I wrote this was to just allow the thoughts to come to mind and then write them. I did not brainstorm about what to write and I noticed it was easy for me to get off track. I did try a little to keep things coherent and I believe I achieved that. As I was editing my work I was focused on making sure there were no errors and making my sentences fuller. I was watching to see if it would make sense for my audience or if I needed to clarify a few things. Reviewing your own work is hard I find because you are bias in favor of your own way of writing.

No comments:

Post a Comment